"What got you here, won't get you there" -by Marshall Goldsmith...a Good reading and a great delivery from leadership coach.
I must thank Barry and Dave Hare for presenting this book to us in July at Symantec seminar!!
When I was reading this book, thought that none of the 20 Habits stated below are applicable to me. But I must confess that most of them I do consciously or unconsciously. When we advance in careers, behavioural changes are often the only significant changes we can make
Here is my confession!!
"Telling the truth is difficult than the death or reaching God"...today being Gandhi Jayanthi( Birth Day)...I must tell the truth whats on my mind...
Let us look at 20 flaws most successful people are also not immune to.....so you must change................and I must change...
Winning too Much: The need to win at all costs and in all situations – when it matters, when it doesn’t, and when it’s totally beside the point.I am proud of being part of the team, who set the industry trends (Like first email network, first Call center Network, IT Managed services so on....), self styled successful leader...When I Joined symantec.. Wanted to win again...not sure at what cost...but I do wanted to win every time... I had few failures in my life too!!!
Failed in Integrating Tandem Disk Systems in Sprint and I failed once again in integrating FAX Sevice to new ATM Network in GE while launching. ofcourse we fixed it and lot of learning from failures...
If the need to win is dominant gene in our success DNA -the overwhelming reason we're successful-then winning too much is a perverse genetic mutation that can limit our success
Adding too much value: The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion.
I am proud of growing from Technical to Leadership...used to challenge my team that I can even now fix any problem...probably not understanding their point of view or not estimating their skills. Used to be impatient with them on not grasping few steps which I used to skip while communicating. Trying to fix the micro problems by understanding the logic and using the logic. Even I did at home with My daughter...when I ever she used to ask difficult Maths problems...I used to solve them and pose look I solved....ofcourse those are school maths....
But the higher up you go in the organzation, the more you need to make other people winners and not make it about winning your self.
Passing Judgement: The need to rate others and impose our standards on them.
This has been again and another unconscious ...with MY DRs...I used to always judge them in mind and constantly used to rate them....and ofcourse imposed my standards.
One must be cautious in grading people's answers- rather than just accepting them without comment-makes people hesitant and defensive
Making destructive comments: The needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we think make us sound sharp and witty.
Another one..I did with my assistant (EA), whenever she used to make mistakes, the comments I made probbaly would have hurt her, not thinking that there is a huge expereince difference.
The fact that a destructive comment is true is irrelevant i.e. is it worth it?
Starting with “No,” “But,” or “However”: The overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly say to everyone, “I’m right. You’re wrong.”
This is the most difficult thing one can avoid...I tried one day myself in office not to say these...I could avoid NO....but (see again) could not avoid "But and However".... These are three words switche off most of the people, particularly while you are giving feedbacks.
When you start a sentence with the above words or any variation thereof, no matter how friendly your tone or how many cute phrases you throw to acknowldge, the message to other person is "you are wrong".
Telling the world how smart we are: The need to show people we’re smarter than they think we are.
Normally I cut short some body in normal conversation start telling them how we used to do same thing in my previous organization(GE)...not listening to other point of view...again experience and expertise dominates!!!
Being smart turns people on, anouncing how smart you are turns them off.
Speaking when angry: Using emotional volatility as a management tool.
I would say little differently, need not be angry but even putting faces for some things I would not like to listen.
Emotional volatility is not the most reliable leadership tool, when you are angry, you are usually out of control
Negativity or “Let me explain why that won’t work”: The need to share our negative thoughts even when we weren’t asked.
This one is probbaly again from old traits of 6 Sigma,,,every thing looking from Risk Managerment (FMEA) point of view. Some times getting dominated by old experiences.
Withholding information: The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others.
I am more opening my self as how these are applicable...need not be in exact same words...in the competitive world we try to win over and again wants to win every time...this will drive us to withhold some ideas unconsciously and share in front of wider audience to get the credit.
We do this unintentionally or accidentally with hold the information or may be we are too busy to share some valuable information with some body or forget to include some one important or while deelgating tasks donot take time to explian how things need to be done.....think it over.
Failing to give proper recognition: The inability to praise and reward.
I am biased for people with high performance and is winning always...I kept my recognition to valuable contribution...I initially started saying thank you and good job for every thing...over a period of time started feeling that director's recognition should be reserved for highest achievement!! I must think about this.
TIP: write down all important people names in your professional or personnel lives and review weekly or monthly to see if you recognized them ever.
Claiming credit that we don’t deserve: The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success.
This is some thing I thought that I try giving credit..but in a recent incident I faltered..My team made a photo frame with all my different poses and presented to me on my birthday..I thrilled at their affection...said thank you..but...said to my assistant that same idea I thought some time ago... hum!!! too bad!!
If you know how you feel as a victim, you should know how people feel about you for doing the same
I must confess here if I am successful in my life, it is becaue of my gurus and ex bosses..( Parents, Mohan, Raja and Warun)
Making excuses: The need to reposition our annoying behaviour as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it.
This is probbaly a bad habit for me especially at home....I do give all sort of excuses for coming late...not remembering the things and what not....and making statements that I never did these house hold duties in my life...and my parents & grand parents brought me up in that way...... Still my wife not divorced yet...
Next time when you hear your self saying, " I am just no good at.... ask your self, why not?"
Clinging to the past: The need to deflect blame away from ourselves and onto events and people from our past; a subset of blaming everyone else.
I counted our success on the past mistakes done by the leaders before me...quoted the issues to old cultures..and feeling like cleaning the mess... well clinging to the past too much...let us just get this baggage out of window... I must state that we should implement best practices from the past shamelessly, but based on the context and the applicability to present and future.
There is nothing wrong in accepting the past, but if your issue is changing the future, then just understanding will not take you there.
Playing favourites: Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly.
I did get feedback in my 360 that I am biased...well as I stated that I am favouring performance, but in the sheer passion of winning and favouring winners...I did not notice that on the way I am hurting few people, expecting them to win everytime...
It's amazing how leaders send out subtle signals that encourage subordinates to mute their criticisms and exaggerate their prasise of the powers that be.
Refusing to express regret: The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we’re wrong, or recognise how our actions affect others.
I normally picturised my son as an aggressive person and always at fault. Lot times I shown my anger on him with out much listening to him, even when he was not at fault.... I used to regret, whenever my wife pointed out this to me...I used to say sorry to my son... but the damage had already happened.... :-(
"Buddhist philosophy says that what we reap what we sow"
Benjamin Franlkin believed that "To gain a friend, let him do you a favour"
We feel that apologizing forces us to cede power or control -actually the opposite is true.
When you declare dependence on others, they usually help you and during the course of making you better person, they invariably try to become better people themselves.
Not listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.
As I articulated in my other blog, this is most common disorder you find. I was furious on few team leads attrition and wanted to speak to them. I was ready with all my weapons....but luckily I just covered this habit by the time. So I decided to listen to them rather than speaking , ask them what is their challenge and how could I help them....I feel that turned out be great!!
People will tolerate all sorts of rudeness, but the inability to pay attention holds a special place in their hearts-perhaps because it's something all of us should be able to do with ease.
Failing to express gratitude: The most basic form of bad manners.
Best way of connecting people is by their first name or last name...every time I meet a person, I ask that person about his full name.....so that I can remember...
While taking feedbacks, thank the person and keep reminding your self that "I won't learn less"...means you learn every time, but not lose any thing. Expressing gratitude will let go of our overwhelming need to win, to be right, to add value and to come out on Top. Gratitude is a skill that we can never display too often, fro some reason we are cheap and chary with it.
Like apologizing, thanking is a magical super gesture of interpersonal relations. It's what you say when you have nothing nice to say and it will never annoy the eprson hearing it!!
Punishing the messenger: The misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only trying to help us.
When you say you have trust around, when some body walks to you and can deliver a bad message or tell you that behaviour of yours hurt them. When a person delivers a bad message, we see the person as cribber....but not understand what is the context or behaviour you need to fix.
Passing the buck: The need to blame everyone but ourselves.
This is another unattractive personal habit.... when was the last time some body said " we love you as a great leader, but we donot like this behaviour" ...One of my direct report walked to me and said one of the team lead is having high attrition or they donot know about a program recently launched.... who to be blamed....oops... its me and you!!
An excessive need to be “me”: Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they’re who we are.
This one I must confess truly...An excessive of me "GE"... I am impatient...likes speed..likes results...so on....its all about 10 years excessive of GE.
The real problem is your self limiting definition of who you are. You define phony as anything that isn't...me! When you do something, you are thinking, "That isn't me or that is me."
It is an intersting equation: < (less) me; > (more) Them = Success
GOD!!! speaking truth is really like releiving from the pain....I hope successful people become more successful...after giving up these behaviours...and get where they want to go!!
